A little over three months ago when my husband and I were getting home from hanging out with his brother and sister on a Sunday night he said to me, “I’ve been thinking, we should start trying for a baby.” And I waited a moment to see if he was kidding. He wasn’t. I’m pretty sure he told everyone at the gym about it too the very next day, made it feel even more real to me.
And then, about a week and a half before my period was due, I couldn’t wait any longer and took a pregnancy test. The pregnancy test said no baby. The one I took the next day in the morning agreed. I was a little bit of a wreck. I’ve wanted a baby for so long and was worried that if we didn’t get pregnant this time, that we’d end up postponing it and it wouldn’t happen for a long time.
A week later, I started feeling some “symptoms”…you know, tender boobs, some headaches, fatigue, bloating…all those symptoms meant one of two things: Either I was pregnant or about to start my period. I wanted to wait until after I’d officially missed my period to take another test, and the day I thought it would come, nothing had happened yet.
I’d ordered some pictures to hang up in my cubicle to be picked up at Walgreens and while I drove over there, I thought I’d just pick up one of the early response pregnancy tests to see if I could find out. I couldn’t get home fast enough.
I stared at the Pregnancy test for so long without blinking that at first I thought I was seeing the blue line because I was willing it to be there. But after blinking a couple times, I could see it clearly. It was pretty faint, but it was definitely there, staring at me, telling me something exciting is happening inside my body.
So here I am today, feeling pretty much just as dazed and excited and nervous as I did when I saw that first little blue line.
Assuming all goes well and this pregnancy sticks, my body is about to undergo a lot of changes. My body is no longer just my own, and now there’s a tiny little elbow macaroni shaped sesame seed sized organism that is depending on me for life. I talk often to my clients about how the human body is an amazing thing and is capable of so much and the more I’m reading in my birth books, the more amazed I am with the female body in particular. There is so much that has to go right in order for a person to come out with all the right parts with everything working. When I think about how the things I am eating are the raw materials that my baby is being built out of, it makes me think twice about what I am putting in my mouth.
I’m accepting the fact that 2014 isn’t the year I’m going to deadlift 350. It’s not the year where I get those six pack abs. I’ll probably lose my spot on the leaderboard for a lot of my lifts and workouts. And that’s okay, because the next year of my life isn’t about me. It’s about this life I’m trying to help create.
I’ve had a rough start with feeling sick and feeling tired and with mad cravings for everything chocolate and processed. I talked with my mom the other day about writing my vision statement for my pregnancy to help motivate me to exercise and eat healthy even when I really don’t want to.
The thought that came to my mind was “Strong is the NEW Pregnant”. I want to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong because I think those are traits that will help me throughout my pregnancy, through childbirth, and through raising a child. I wrote that statement up on my white board at work and I’ll probably write it up on my bathroom mirror at home and use that to structure my choices and behaviors going into these next 6 months. I want to be strong in those areas, and in order to be strong in those areas I have to make the choices to strengthen me in those areas. One of those choices is going to be making it to the gym tonight even though the workout is not one that plays to my strengths at all. Strong is my new pregnant.